The Latin phrase mea culpa (“through my fault”) can be uttered in myriad ways, from ironically to quite seriously. I use it here with dead seriousness, as I want and need to publicly acknowledge grievous missteps from which I continue to rebuild my personal and professional life.
In connection with a 2005 business venture, I was involved in providing false statements to a credit union that led to obtaining fraudulent loans. In 2012, I was indicted, and in 2013, pursuant to the terms of a plea agreement and a civil settlement agreement, I agreed to incarceration in a federal minimum-security camp and full financial restitution. In 2018 I was released 18 months early based on exceptional conduct.
This aberration from the life I had led before these events is still hard for me to fathom, but I must always confront this truth. I violated the law, and I disappointed my most cherished family members, friends, and business associates.
Today, having discovered newfound appreciation for many aspects of life I had taken for granted, I am so very glad to be home, playing soccer with my son … talking about colleges with my daughter. I find myself enraptured by the little things that have turned out to be the big things. Listening to the birds. Appreciating nature’s harmony.
I have always seen vulnerability and the willingness to put myself out there as strengths. And trust me, I know how lucky I am. Becoming entangled in the legal system can ruin families and careers. Entering confinement, I gave myself only a 50/50 chance of finding success and fulfillment again, but society has been very kind to me and here I am, getting back on my feet.
Deeply thankful to my broad personal and professional support group, I am extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to rebuild my life and to see my life through a different lens. My years away give me a new perspective that will affect the way I interact with my family, friends, and colleagues and the way I transparently do business.
Several people have suggested that I write a book about my experiences and what I have learned along the way. Maybe that will be the next chapter. After all, the point of learning a lesson is to pass it along.
Until then, please understand that I both acknowledge my past and look forward to my future. As Afghani writer and humanitarian Khaled Hosseini expressed it, “Find a purpose in your life and live it. But, sometimes, it is only after you have lived that you recognize your life had a purpose, and likely one you never had in mind.”
With his wisdom in mind, I move forward to live my purpose while being ever grateful for the road that has led me here.
Adnan Zai is Principal at Anfield Ltd. His work spans private equity, data centers, commercial and mixed-use real estate, infrastructure and capital. He writes about the economic, technological and geopolitical forces shaping that work.